the little brown dress

I came across this website the other day. it is by a woman who wore the same brown dress everyday for a year. She actually made the dress herself. She did it to fight consumerism and be friendly to the environment. She shows pictures of all the darling outfits she put toether throughout the year. I find the idea very intriguing! I'm not that extreme--but I like the idea of living simply. Check it out at littlebrowndress.com

South Beach diet update--I'm hungry!! I'm not a real meat and cheese kinda girl, so I hit my limit before I get really full. This morning for breakfast I had eggs, sliced tomato (with fresh basil and mozzarella cheese) and turkey sausage. I couldn't even eat the sausage. It grossed me out! (I haven't used that phrase since Jr. High!!) I'm hoping my body will adjust in the next day or so. I crave fruit and sweets and bread. I'm trying to hang in there!!

I'm addicted to sugar...

The first step is admitting it, right? Steve had some bloodwork done and got the results a few days ago. His triglycerides (sp?) were high so his doctor recommended the south beach diet. Being the amazing wife that I am, I'm joining him--kicking and screaming a bit. We spent a chunk of change on groceries last night. We had almost nothing we needed to make the change to better eating. This morning for breakfast I had eggs with canadian bacon and veggies with a little light mozzarella cheese sprinkled on top and earl grey tea. I felt empty (both pysically and emotionally--just kidding!!) so I had some cottage cheese. The point of this diet is to eat good fats and protien and veggies and to limit carbs. They say you can eat as much as you like, so you should never feel hungry. So far I just can't get that nice full feeling that pure sugar gives you. McDonald's cinnamon melt, it may be a while before we see each other again. Anyone have any sage advice?!

a compact vacation

yesterday we saw the central coast, new york, paris and...las vegas. some friends invited us to take their small plane for a day trip to vegas. we met at noon, boarded the plane (some of us got a little sick...), then touched down and explored the strip. we at dinner at a nice, quiet italian restautant and saw a cheesy magic show. mostly it was just great to be with friends and do something out of the ordinary. nana stayed with the boys and they had a blast.

Chapter two, Labor and Delivery

I was admitted to the hospital at 5:00pm on July 2, 2002. They weren't planning to begin inducing me until the next morning, but they wanted to monitor the baby. We had a HUGE room all to ourselves and they brought in an awful chair/bed for Steve to sleep in. The nurse placed the IV, very poorly, right on my wrist. I took a shower and watched TV with Steve. I kept hoping, by some miracle, that everything would be fine. A lot of people told us they had a feeling everything would be fine. *Just a note here, when someone is in crisis, don't tell them everything will be fine. The nurse gave me an ambien sleeping aid and I rested well our first night in the hospital.

Early the next morning they began the inducement process. First they start with a topical gel. That didn't do anything, so a few hours later they started a pitocin drip through my IV. The day went very slowly. There was a heaviness in the air. So many close friends and family were there. We felt very loved and supported, in the midst of the emotional strain.

At 5:00pm the nurse came to talk to us. They felt it would be better to stop the inducement and let me rest through the night. I was exhausted but I couldn't imagine stopping. I didn't want to rest, I wanted to get this baby out and get some answers. Stopping was not an option. I couldn't bear to wait another day. The nurse wouldn't budge. She tried to tempt me by saying I could have whatever I wanted for dinner. A pregnant woman will do anything for a good meal, so I agreed to stop the inducement. I gave Steve my order and he ran out and got me a bean and cheese burrito from El Burrito Jr. and a cinnamon roll from Hof's Hut. While he was gone the nursing staff changed shifts. He brought the food in to me and just as I was about to take my first delicious bite, the new nurse came in and told me I couldn't eat my precious dinner. She explained politey that if I ate it, I would poop on the table tomorrow during my delivery. I guess she didn't realize that this burrito and cinnamon roll was the only thing standing between me and insanity. Plus, I reasoned, I wouldn't be the one to clean up the mess, now would I? I looked her straight in the eye and took a bite. I wasn't in a mood to mess around.

The next morning they started inducing again. Things went more quickly this time. Nurses and doctors bustled in and out of the room. At 3:30pm I was fully dialated and ready to push. Steve and Chrissie (and a whole host of doctors and specialists) were in the room with me and lots of people waited in the lobby. It only took about 5 pushes to get little David out. As he began to immerge, I felt panic well up within me. Would he look like a monster? What did the future hold for this little one? The room was silent. The doctors whispered. David came in to the world quietly. No crying or gurgling. The doctors quickly took him over to a side table to examine him. I heard whispers about his left hand and demanded to know what they were saying. After a few minutes Steve came over to introduce our new son to me. He wieghed 4 lbs. 2 oz. and was 18 in. long. His apgar scores were 8 and 9. He showed me his little hand. Steve explained that the doctors also notice his neck was short and he had extra hair. Extra hair runs in my family, so I wan't worried about that. I touched his little hand. I felt overwhelmed by relief that he was so cute and sorrow that he was so different than I expected. This is NOT the baby we were supposed to have, I thought. First I prayed, God please don't let this baby die. Next I thought, Maybe he will just die and we can start over again. Mostly I just kept thinking, why, why, why?

p.s. I didn't poop on the table :)

the layered look

aren't these fun? i just sold some pieces to a store up in paso robles called fire fly gallery. it is SUCH a cool shop. you must check it out when you are in the area! or maybe we should plan a girls day and shop and get lunch!! any game?! i am enjoying the "live in the moment" phrase lately. it is so easy to think about what scary things tomorrow might hold. we have no control over the future. all we can do is make the most of the moment we are in! so go hug your husband and kiddos or tell a friend how much she means to you--and make the most of this moment!

scoop, muck and bubble gun wars

erika brought the kids and some pizza over last night. we just let the kids run-a-muck and talked. speaking of muck, matty couldn't be happier that scoop & muck (i.e. a tractor or two) moved in a cross the street. i think he's having more fun watching them than he had at disneyland. have a great monday!!

beach bonfire

we met the college kids down at the beach tonight for a bonfire. the wind was chilly, but david and i snuggled to get warm. the fire was fun, too. matty had a blast running around and playing wiffle ball, well, he was really interrupting the game that was going on. i have been busy, busy making jewelry. I have more than 60 special orders to fill right now. making good progress, though...

new pendants

aren't these new pendants whimsical and fun? steve and i went on a date last night to CPK an a movie. we saw the hoax. richard gere stars as a writer who fabricates an autobiography on howard hughes. his lies build up through the movie and finally come crashing down on him. it seriously made me want to NEVER lie again!! what a mess he made!

seems like there has been so much pain touching the lives of people we know this week. when it rains it pours. life is not random and chaotic, though. God is in control. that gives me so much comfort. hope your saturday is good!

Chapter one, the first signs of trouble

On Tuesday, July 2, 2002, I went in to see my OB/GYN for my 38 week appointment. I had a very typical pregnancy. No major concerns, except placenta previa. I had extra ultrasounds to monitor that situation. During this visit, the doctor noticed that I was measuring a little small for being 38 weeks along. He did an ultrasound to measure the baby's size. David was only measuring 31 weeks in size. He thought perhaps the due date was wrong. I knew my due date was correct. We scheduled a visit with a perinatologist for the following day. That evening we got together with friends and prayed. We were very worried something might be wrong with our baby but we really hoped that things would be OK and we would just have a small baby. We contacted our close friends and family and told them to pray.

The next morning Steve, Chrissie and I went to the perinatologist. She did an ultrasound and confirmed the baby's size was unusually small. I asked if perhaps it could just be a small baby, with no other complications. She showed me a growth chart and his size didn't even make the first percentile. They predicted he would be about 3.5 lbs. The doctor explained that it could be a very minor condition (perhaps the umbilical cord wasn't providing enough nourishment) to some kind of fatal genetic disorder. At this point I literally felt like my world fell apart. The glass wall in front of me cracked and all the pieces fell to the ground. What was happening? Everything was supposed to be fine! We had the room all ready and his little clothes all washed. We had his car seat strapped into the car. We were waiting for our little boy to be born any day.

They decided to admit me to the hospital that day at 5:00pm. Steve, Chrissie and I went to the Marmalade Cafe for lunch and walked around the mall to waste time. I went to the grocery store and bought some magazines. Everything felt like going through the motions. This baby we had anticipated with such joy was suddenly a stranger and I was terrified of what I would see when I met him. We were consumed with grief and worry and waiting. The waiting was so hard. Who would this little boy be?

a few more photos...

we really had a great time on our trip. it was so good to be together as a family. the cousins had lots of time to connect and be silly. disneyland was a big treat!! it's nice to be back home. i've got LOTS of special orders to work on...so i really hit the ground running! i have been thinking about sharing our story regarding david's birth and diagnosis. i think i'll pick a day (maybe thursdays) and blog about our experience, staring with my pregnancy --and do a chapter each thursday for a few weeks. i've been thinking about doing this for a while, but it is so personal, i've had a hard time getting started. despite the challenges and pain, david is such a blessing and the story is one of JOY! tune in tomorrow for more!

we're back..and exhausted!!

we had so much fun on our getaway! we spent a couple days in carpinteria as a family. eating out ,playing at the beach, seeing a movie, relaxing in the hotel room, getting too silly in the hotel room...then we meet my family in orange county for a few days. we had a picnic, train ride, silly time with cousins, cartoons, and even disneyland. more tomorrow! gotta get the boys in bed and relax :)

Here's a family pic from easter and a pic of Matty with his new bubble blowing gun. I'm taking a blog break--we'll be out of town for a couple days. See you soon!

the animoos at the zoo

We went to see the animoos (thats how Matty says it!) at the zoo this morning. We were supposed to meet a friend but it didn't work out. We paid $13 to get in and stayed for about 13 minutes. I love the photo of David looking at the bird exhibit. Then we went to the lake and played a bit. We had a stroke of luck and the Borlands kiddos were free so we met up for lunch at McDonalds. The boys ate, played and explored while Kristen and I talked. My camera died so I missed out on a bunch of photo opps. Oh well! It was so relaxing and fun! Happy Tuesday.

Happy Easter!

fun creations

here are some fun new necklaces i made last night. karen and sonya--your stamped necklaces will go in the mail on monday. sonya, SO great to get the update. can't wait to connect via phone or email. i've been making a lot of stamped jewelry-and having a blast doing it! if anyone wants any special orders before mother's day, let me know ASAP. my email is on the top right side of the blog. hope you are all enjoying easter weekend. we had a great good friday service last night at church. today has been relaxing and productive. tomorrow we will celebrate easter with friends. the same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work within us! ponder that for a while!!

coloring eggs and other stuff

last night we had dinner and colored eggs with the borlands. zeb and matty did most of the work (or was it made most of the mess?!) we all definitely had fun! kristen made some amazing rice crispy treats with m&ms. my mouth is watering just thinking about it. these journals were little gifts for david's teachers. so cute (and dirt cheap!) from target. are you ready for easter???

the wisdom of a child

i was holding david at the park recently when a little girl approached us. she looked at david's hand and this is the conversation that followed:

girl: what's wrong with his hand?
me: he only has two fingers. it's a little hand
girl: it's scary
me: it's not scary, its just different
girl: i think its scary

i thought about this conversation a lot. we try to be really open about david's disability and deformity. children are very curious and engage in conversation more easily than adults. the thing is, she was right. it is scary. anything different can be scary. someone who has a disability, a person who is a different color, a person who is homeless, someone who is overweight, someone who doesn't speak english. it's scary to us because we are afraid it could happen to us, or we are afraid we will be the one who is different from everyone else. i want to encourage you to love someone who is different today. the man outside the grocery store who is selling pencils for cerebral palsy, or the homeless woman who sits outside your favorite restaurant. make eye contact and smile. acknowledge that they are a valuable person, loved by God. you don't have to do much to treat someone with dignity. i love that this little girl approached us and asked questions. even though is was scary for her, she engaged with us and talked about her feelings. maybe we can all be a little more childlike.

a day to relax

on tuesdays and thursdays the boys both have preschool so I try to get jewelry stuff and errands done. today i didn't have too much to do (i'm totally in denial!!) so i got a pedicure and walked around borders a bit. it was so RELAXING. i am the kind of mom who needs breaks. here are some of my favorite simple pleasures
-getting into a hot car
-a good snuggle
-sleeping in
-a new magazine
- a good hair day
-completing my to do list
-having a day with no to do list
-girl time
-a movie that requires no brain power. think-legally blonde
-a gift given for no special reason
what are your favorite simple pleasures?